I, like many woman do once they find out they are pregnant, went crazy signing up for baby magazines, email updates and apps for my phone once I found out we were expecting Deidre. It was fun to see what size of fruit she was one week compared to the next, what to expect in the next coming weeks and reading other woman’s pregnancy stories. It was like gaining access to a secret club that you had to be invited to join…and I was obsessed.
To add insult to injury, when we lost Deidre it was like re-opening a wound every time I had to unsubscribe to an email, cancel an account and delete an app. I signed up for so many things and when a random email arrived in my inbox or a flyer appeared in my mailbox I would look through it longingly, throw a temper tantrum and immediately throw it away or delete it. What can I say…emotional recovery is not a very mature experience as demonstrated by my reactions to various things over the past few months.
Today my friends, I do believe we’ve had a breakthrough. I opened my mailbox after lunch and immediately saw the new American Baby magazine. I sat there and stared at it waiting for that gut wrenching despair to hit but it never came. I picked it up and started thumbing through it but still…nothing.
As I sat reading – yes, actually reading – the magazine I was amazed at my reaction. I wasn’t experiencing the normal despair and anger that I normally feel, I actually felt hopeful and excited. After all, we survived something that can make couples grow apart and resent each other. Instead our relationship and marriage is the strongest it has ever been. We will have a baby in the nursery in our brand new house sooner or later and I am so excited to share everything we have with them.
Don’t take too long though, Baby Grant. We are so ready for you we can’t stand it! 🙂