Hello all! I hope this finds you all warm and cozy with all of the snow that has fallen outside. My neighborhood appears to be having a shoveling party right now, everyone is going from house to house to help each other out. I, however, am hiding in the basement pretending to not be home because I am under strict instructions from the Husband (who is at work) not to shovel. I’m pretty sure steam flew out of his ears the last time I shoveled while he was at work so I suppose I can deal with this little request 🙂 . Besides, it’s cute how protective he is of me and peanut. Perhaps if the neighbors think we aren’t home, they won’t come knocking? We shall see…
I wanted to take a minute to talk about something that has been bothering me. It’s pretty common that no matter what the situation is, people often say ridiculous things to pregnant women regarding a pregnancy or various other things. Whether or not these things are subject to being dissected by pregnancy hormones and taken out of context, they still should probably be thought about twice before erupting into a potentially hurtful statement. Today, I’m not taking about the silly statements my husband makes (I will save those for another post – I have an entire list!) or the strange words of advice that random people give (why yes, I am in fact ready to have a baby even though yours is screaming its head off because you need to change the diaper that I can smell from here)…what has been bothering me are some of the comments I got when I told people we were expecting again.
It’s no secret that we were both devastated at Deidre’s loss. It’s also no secret that we were so ready to have a baby that I think it made Deidre’s loss that much worse for me. We were by no means secretive about our desires to try again as soon as we were able to. So why, I ask you, do certain people feel the need to say things to us like “Well that didn’t take you very long” or “Wow, you must have gotten over your miscarriage quick” and “I guess your first pregnancy was just a trial anyways”. Really, people?
My answers to those specific statements are 1. Who is the judge of how long it takes us to have a happy, healthy and strong baby – you? Hell no. And by the way – to us it seems like an eternity so kindly keep your opinions to yourself. 2. I will never “get over” losing Deidre and I did not lose her to a miscarriage. Idiot. 3. Since when are pregnancies trials? It must be a sick world that you live in if you consider a pregnancy a trial.
Yes, we are both still upset and healing after the loss of our daughter, however there is a point where you have to move on. You have to stop staring blankly at the memory of a loss and begin taking steps towards the future. Deidre will always be a part of our family and our children will know about their older sister. This pregnancy is us looking towards the future and I assure you that both of our hearts are wide open and soaring at the thought of bringing a second baby into this world.
I’m sorry to sounds like a harsh and bitter woman, but it will never cease to amaze me how blind people can be to the thoughts and cares of others. It is our decision and our decision alone when we decide to bring another baby into this world. For us? That time is now. And we are so, so excited for July.