Bless his heart, but sometimes my husband can say some pretty stupid shit. Especially to a hormonal pregnant woman. Most of the time he really has no idea what he’s saying or that I would be offended by it and he really had good intentions for saying it, but sometimes he says something that is quickly followed by this face…
Yup, that’s right. The pleading “please don’t hurt me” face. And I can’t help but laugh, because what he says is usually so freaking absurd that I can’t be mad at him. But I can write it down. And I can show it to the world. Here are just a few of the wonderful tidbits he has come up with over the past few months. Keep in mind, I only started keeping this list during this pregnancy and there are pleeenty more where these came from!
- While at my parents house, my brother asked what was on my arm. Sean quickly piped up and said “Oh, it’s just the wings growing from her arm fat” which of course was quickly followed by cheers and laughter from my juvenile brother. Turns out it was not, in fact, wings…just an extra string on my shirt. What’s that on your face, husband? A smart ass smile as a result of the reaction you got from Andy? Smart ass smile…meet my fist. Just kidding. Kind of.
- Early in the pregnancy I was wondering out loud one day when I would get an actual baby bump instead of just looking like I gained a few pounds. Sean was quick to jump in with an attempt to make me feel better by saying “You’re not a fatty, you’re just squishy!”. Those are probably 7 words you should never utter to a woman, ever…especially a pregnant one. Ever. EVER.
- When I first started looking for maternity clothes, I had one hell of a time trying to find stuff that I liked. During an outing to the mall we wandered into a department store to try our luck there. While trying to find the maternity section I glanced around at the signs and he was very quick to point out “No honey, that is petites over there. You won’t fit into those!”. Thank you for stating the obvious, sparky.
- The same day I wandered into a different maternity store, took a look around and came out empty-handed. When he questioned if I found anything I liked I said I didn’t find much for every day clothes but I did see some cute dresses that have potential for some summer weddings we are invited to. His response? “Why don’t you just buy a big person’s dress?”. Open mouth, insert foot and quickly back track to try to cover that hole you just dug yourself.
- You’d think after the past 2 gems that escaped his lips, he would have learned his lesson regarding me, being pregnant and looking for clothes. He didn’t. Just yesterday we were out shopping and I was wandering through the maternity section at Target. He was *trying* to be helpful and pointed out another rack with more dresses on it that could work. I glanced over and told him that he was looking in the plus size section to which he responded “Isn’t that the same thing?”. Walk away, hormones…just walk away…
Trust me, these are so much better in person. And this is only a few on the list I keep with me at all times. You just never know when you are gonna uncover more verbal gold so I have to stay prepared. Until next time! Enjoy the rest of your weekend, friends!