Did He Really Say That? Part 4

Well friends, we’re rounding the final turn in this pregnancy so I thought it would be a good time to wrap up the last few jaw dropping tidbits that my husband has dared to utter. Knowing him, I’m assuming that having this baby isn’t going to cure his verbal diarrhea and it will actually probably get worse long before it gets better….and I love him for it. He’s always good for a laugh. Most of these revolve around weight which is funny since I’ve only gained right at 30 pounds and everyone comments on how small I am. Without further delay, the latest installment of Did He Really Say That?

  1. This one was so long ago (in pregnancy days – so it probably wasn’t actually that long ago) that I can’t even remember what we were doing for sure, except that I was carrying something. The ever-helpful husband piped up and said “Do you want me to carry that? You’re breathing like a fat kid!” Nope, I’ve got it but if you want to dangle a twinkie in front of my face to get me to go faster, be my guest.
  2. There are 2 (among many) things this pregnancy has given me. An undying need for fresh fruit and giant hooters. The husband, again being very helpful, brought me a plate of fruit with a side of smart ass. “Here you go – some melon for Mrs. Melons.” 3rd thing this pregnancy has given me? Slow reflexes allowing him a quick escape.
  3. One night we were at our midwife appointment and were waiting an unusually long time. I was weighed when we were checked in and while we were waiting, Sean weighed himself and proudly announced the results. I made a comment that it was sad that I only weighed 8 lbs less than him and I swear, without skipping a beat he said “Oh yeah? Maybe that’s why your aunt thought I looked skinny.”
  4. It has become our tradition to get frozen yogurt on our way home from birthing class. I use the excuse that we deserve it, but really it’s because I just want the cold, sweet, candy covered goodness. The shop on our way home is always crazy busy – like line almost out of the door, people standing around outside crazy busy. One particularly whiny night, I complained aloud wondering why they were always so busy and in return, I heard “Because fat people really like fro yo, honey.” Well, use the wedge to get me outta this car then. Mama’s hungry!
  5. While out shopping for a few birthday gifts, I was taking a look at some 4th of July decorations and supplies that were on sale. I made a comment about liking a serving tray and said that it was nice and heavy fully expecting it to go unheard by his selective hearing. Boy was I wrong, because soon enough I heard “You’re heavy!”. Yeeeaaaahhhhh……
  6. My parents have a stool that has seen better days. It’s been through years of abuse between all of us sitting and standing on it and the animals jumping on it. It isn’t the most sturdy thing, especially if you sit in the middle of it. I popped a squat on the corner of this stool one night so I could get closer to my nephew, Owen, and my mom warned me to be careful because the stool was worse than ever and she didn’t want me falling down. The ray of sunshine that is my husband spoke up, saying “Hey lady, there’s a weight limit!” Ahh sweet justice. I finally have witnesses to this debauchery…..
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